“It’s a girl!” announced the doctor on May 14, 1993, on a sunny Friday afternoon as she ushered our 7 pounds 11 ounces Christine Andrea into the world. After four years of marriage, we had our first child, and we beheld her with joy and wonder. With an Apgar score of 9, she was beautiful and perfect in every way with one exception-her heart. It would not sustain her for more than a few days of life. We as her parents know this beforehand and yet we decided to let God control how and how long she would live. Here’s our story…

The first four months of my pregnancy was uneventful. Neither my husband Tim nor I smoked, drank, or had a family history of medical problems. Then one afternoon during a routine examination one of my obstetricians detected a slower than normal heartbeat on my unborn child. This led to a whirlwind of exhausting prenatal tests. The deciding test, the fetal echocardiogram was scheduled on the day of our church’s weekly prayer meeting. We prayed and put the matter into God’s hands and hoped for the best.

The day arrived, and we set out hoping to get some answers. The echocardiogram took a long time, and the specialist seemed very troubled. He consulted with others before giving us the final medical verdict: our baby had a heart condition called Hypoplastic Left Ventricle, which occurs in a fraction of one percent of all pregnancies. The vast majority of babies with this heart problem were aborted. If we choose to carry our baby to term, she would not survive more than 3-5 days outside the womb. Even with a heart operation or transplant, the chances were 25% at best, and only one child was known to live at 5 years of age. The fact that our first baby would die soon after birth struck me with choking force. I could not stop crying.

We did not eat dinner that night since we were short of time and had no appetite. Instead, we headed straight to the prayer meeting. In the long car ride back, God gradually gave me strength, and we reassured each other of God’s sovereignty over our lives and that of our baby’s. We made the commitment to see this pregnancy through its course.

Tim had always led the prayer meetings, and that evening was no exception. With halting words we told the small group of people at the meeting about our baby’s heart, and needless to say, they were shocked and saddened. We proceeded to pray that God would show us His plan in our lives.

We met with the specialist again for medical counseling. He strongly advised us to get a suction abortion. Because of what I read nearly 10 years ago about abortion in a Christian newsletter1, I adamantly refused. Tim also did likewise. We told him abortion was against our beliefs and God had a purpose for the whole situation. We would let God decide how and how long our baby would live after birth. Afterwards, I was only required by the specialist to get a sonogram every month, and the baby’s heartbeat from then on was always normal. My pregnancy was trouble-free, and all other prenatal tests indicated no problems. It was hard to believe at times that our baby had such a serious heart condition.

Around the last month of my pregnancy, some other areas of our lives started to fall apart. One of our two cars broke down and could not be fixed. We were also in the midst of buying a house and planned to move in before I gave birth, but at the last minute the financing and the insurance did not go through, and we scrambled to make other arrangements. Meanwhile, we had to move out of our apartment, and since the lease expired before we could move into our house, we were officially “homeless”. One of our church’s deacons, a bachelor at the time, graciously allowed us to use his condo for a month rent-free. During that time, both sets of grandparents came to visit and lived with us, and our baby Christine Andrea spent her short life there.

We spent exactly 40 days as wanderers without a home. It was 40 days of intense trial for us, from giving birth, negotiating with the bank and insurance companies, watching our baby die, agonizing over our grief, planning her funeral, going thru the motions, to moving on. It felt like the 40 years Moses and the people of Israel spent wandering in the desert. Both Tim and I struggled individually over Christine’s impending death. I had laid awake for some nights listening to her breathe and wondering if each breath would be her last. Before long, God convicted me to trust Him with her life no matter what happened, and then could I sleep peacefully. I felt I better understood now what Mary had to experience when she was carrying Jesus in her last month, having to travel and camp out for several nights, giving birth not in her own home but in a strange faraway place, and having to watch her firstborn about to die.

After Christine Andrea was born, we loved her and treated her as much as we could like a normal baby. When we brought her from the hospital to the condo, she opened her eyes and looked all over, recognizing her new surroundings. She ate, slept, and “went to the bathroom” like any other newborn. During her eleven days of life, Christine was visited by many people in our church and was held, stroked, and kissed every day. Only in her last day of life did she not have visitors. She loved to put her hands to her face, especially meal times, and we constantly had to tuck her hands under her blanket. She had the uncanny ability to go pooh-pooh on the bathroom rug and on her grandmother’s pants. Her appetite was always good except for her last day, and she rarely threw up her formula. She was always up and crying at midnight, and I could remember laughing when Tim paced the floor holding her in one hand while the other one was holding up his loose pajamas pants. Christine Andrea heard the Christmas story and parts of the Psalms being read to her. She also heard some of our favorite praise and worship songs being sang and hummed to her as lullabies.

In her last day of life in the hospital emergency room, Christine struggled to open her eyes and to breathe without assistance for almost 3 hours. She was expected to live only 3-5 days but instead lived 11 days. She was expected to be a small sized baby because of her heart disorder but instead was over 7 pounds. She was expected to die in her sleep but instead died in our arms during a sunny afternoon. Her heart was still abnormal despite all of our prayers, but God gave us three miracles through our baby.

We harbored no bitterness or regret over the loss of our baby girl from the time we heard the medical verdict until now nearly four years later. We were not exempt from pain and grief but we have peace that we made the right decision. We were with our baby until her last breath, and for this we were thankful. We had opportunities to bear testimony to our doctors and nurses, friends, fellow believers, and colleagues. I personally comforted some of my friends who had miscarried their babies. Even now, we still drew from our experience to comfort and teach others.

We continue to drink from the Word of God for His promises and His grace. One passage found in 1 Corinthians 15:51-52 “…we shall not all sleep, but…the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed”2 stated the hope of the resurrection through the blood of Jesus. Another promise is from John 14:2-3“ In my Father’s house are many rooms… I am going there to prepare a place for you…I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” Christine never did see the home we prepared for her, but she is now in a wonderful place where God has prepared for all Christians. We know we will see our baby again in heaven. A third promise is found in Romans 8:28 “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” It confirmed to us that everything fits into God’s plan. Our baby’s brief life was used to further the gospel, to change people’s hearts, and to glorify God. The last passage found in Psalm 139:14,16 is the main reason why this story is written: “I will give thanks to Thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made…Thine eyes have seen my unformed substance, and in Thy book they were all written, the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them.” We could not tamper with God’s handwork or His plan because it is wrong to do so. Our baby’s life was not in vain. Let us treasure the life God has given to all of us and see all people, born and unborn, as precious in His sight.

Note

1 Volume 7, number 5, 1984, published by Last Days Ministries, founded by Keith and Melody Green.

2 All Scripture references were taken from the New American Standard Bible.

Postscript: I wrote this article, originally titled “A Life Story,” back in 1997, and it was published in Chinese Christian Mandarin Church’s 25th church anniversary remembrance book. This was the church where I grew up and was baptized in. This article was also published in Dec 2008 issue of “The Tree of Life” church magazine by Gaithersburg Chinese Alliance Church. In 2008, 15 years after Christine’s passing away, I rejoiced at how God used her life to comfort many other families nearly every year since then. In 2013, I heard from a pastor’s wife in another church how she had used our story to comfort a family after the tragic loss of their young child.

克麗斯婷的故事

作者：琳達.陳師母 翻譯： 黃耘

“是個女孩！”接生醫生一邊接生一邊宣告著。1993年5月14日，一個陽光明媚的週五的午後，我們的女兒，7磅11盎司的克麗斯婷.安德麗婭來到了這個世界。結婚四年之後，我們有了第一個孩子，我們充滿喜樂和驚奇地抱著她。她是如此美麗和完美，APGAR指數甚至達到了9(編者按，APGAR指數達到8,9,10指嬰兒極有活力)，然而她的心臟卻只能支撐她幾天的生命。我們作為她的父母在此之前已經知曉，然而我們決定讓上帝掌握她如何度過，和有多長的生命。這就是我們的故事……

晴天霹靂般的醫學判決

我懷孕的頭四個月非常平靜。先生國添和我既不抽菸，喝酒，家族也沒有遺傳性的病史。在一次常規的檢查中，我的婦科醫生檢測到胎兒的心跳比正常胎兒的慢。接著而來的是一連串令人疲憊的產前檢查。決定性的測試 – 胎兒超聲心動圖定在我們教會每週禱告會那天。我們不住禱告，并將此事交托在上帝的手中，期盼最好的結果。

那一天來臨了，我們準備好等待結果出來。胎兒超聲心電圖的測試時間很長，那位專科醫師看上去很擔心。他諮詢了其他醫生然後才給我們最後的醫學判決： 我們的嬰孩有一種心臟的問題，叫做左心室發育不全，低於百分之一的胎兒會發生這種病。大部份有這種問題的嬰兒都會被墮胎。如果我們選擇繼續懷這個孩子到臨盆，她在母胎外的存活率大概是3-5 天。即使實行心臟手術或者心臟移植術，最佳存活率是25%，至今只有一位孩子曾活到5歲。這是我們第一個孩子！這個的消息簡直如晴天霹靂一般，我止不住一直痛哭流涕。

持守信仰，直到嬰兒安然出生

我們那天沒吃晚飯。一來沒有時間，二來也沒胃口。我們直接去了禱告會。在這個漫長的車程中，上帝漸漸給了我力量，我們再次互相肯定上帝在我們和嬰孩生命中的主權。我們決定繼續這個妊娠直到臨盆。

國添通常會帶領禱告會，那天晚上也不例外。我們哽咽地將我們寶貝的心臟問題告訴給小組成員，不用說，他們都覺得很驚訝和傷心。接下來我們禱告，求上帝在我們生命中彰顯他的計劃。

我們再次諮詢那位專科醫師，他強烈地提議我們施行墮胎術。因為我十年前曾經讀過一篇基督教有關墮胎術的文章（見附1），所以我堅決地拒絕了。國添也持這個態度。我們告訴他墮胎是違背我們的信仰而上帝在這事上有他的目的。我們會讓上帝決定她出生后狀況和能活多久。之後，我只是聽從醫師的建議每月做超聲波檢查，而胎兒的心跳自那以後都是正常的。我的懷孕過程一直都很順利，其他的產前檢查也都沒問題。有時真是難以相信胎兒有如此嚴重的心臟問題。

臨產前的那個月里，我們的生活卻開始秩序大亂。我們的一部車子拋錨了而且無法修理；我們正在購屋，準備在孩子出生前搬進去，但是最後的時刻，貸款公司和保險公司都沒批准，我們因此要匆忙地籌集款項；而租賃的公寓已經到期我們必須搬出，真成了“無家可歸的流浪漢”了！我們教會 的一位執事，那時還是單身漢，非常大方地讓我們免費借住他的公寓一個月；而此時雙方父母都來探親并與我們住在一起。我們的寶貝克麗斯婷.安德麗婭就在這個暫時的寓所里度過了她短暫的生命。

臨產試煉，“無家可歸”遇窘境

我們有四十天無家可歸。這四十天對我們來說是高強度的試煉，從生產，與銀行和保險公司討價還價，目睹我們的寶貝去世，對付我們的悲哀，準備她的葬禮，經歷其中的心靈跌宕，然後，往前行。這一切就像當年摩西和他的以色列百姓們在曠野里的那四十年一樣。國添和我各自都面對克麗斯婷即將來臨的死亡。我有幾個夜晚無法入眠，聽著她的呼吸，不知何時就是她最後一口氣。然而不久，上帝就使我順服和信任祂，無論任何事發生，將她的生命交託給祂，然後我就可以平靜地入睡了。我感到我現在可以更體會瑪利亞在耶穌出生前一個月所必須經歷的那一切，從奔波出走，數晚在外支搭帳篷，遠走他鄉無法在自己的家裡生產，到必須看著她的頭生的兒子死亡。

只有十一天生命的寶貝

克麗斯婷.安德麗婭出生後，我們像對待正常嬰兒一樣照顧她。當我們把她從醫院裡接回寓所時，她睜開雙眼，東張西望，似乎可以明白這個新的環境。她可以吸奶，睡覺和“上廁所”，正如其他正常的嬰孩一樣。在她的生命的十一天里，有許多教會的弟兄姐妹來看望她，每一天享受眾人的擁抱，撫摸和親吻。只是在她的最後一天里她沒有訪客。她很喜歡將手放在臉頰上，特別是吃奶的時候，我們不得不一再把她的手包在小毯子裡。她有一個怪誕的能力就是把便便拉在浴室的地上或是奶奶的褲子上。除了最後一天之外，她的胃口一直很好，而且很少吐奶。她常常半夜醒來啼哭，我清楚地記得國添一手抱著她踱來踱去，一手揪著自己的睡褲的腰帶。克麗斯婷.安德麗婭聽我們念聖誕故事和一些詩篇。我們也把最喜愛的敬拜讚美詩歌作為搖籃曲哼唱給她聽。

在她生命的最後一天她在醫院急診室里，竭力地打開雙眼，不用呼吸機自我呼吸了三個鐘頭。她只被期待存活3-5 天，卻活了11天；她因為心臟的問題被預估是個瘦小的嬰孩，但是體重卻超過七磅；她預計會在睡眠中死去，卻在一個陽光明媚的下午在我們的懷抱里去世。儘管我們竭盡全力禱告，她的心臟依然不正常，但是上帝透過我們的寶貝給了我們三個奇蹟。

無怨無悔，堅信上帝的三個應許

自從我們聽到她的醫學判決到四年以後的今天，我們對失去我們的女兒絲毫沒有隱藏任何悲痛和遺憾。我們並非沒有痛苦和悲哀，但是我們因為我們做出的正確決定感到平安。我們一直陪伴我們的寶貝到最後一口氣，為此我們是在感恩。我們有機會向我們的醫生，護士，弟兄姐妹和同事做見證。我也藉此安慰那些曾經流產的朋友們。甚至現在我們依然可以回顧這個經歷來安慰和輔導他人。

我們依然渴慕上帝的話語帶來的恩典和應許。哥林多前書15：51-52說道：“我如今把 一件奧祕的事告訴你們：我們不是都要睡覺，乃是都要改變，就在一霎時，眨眼之間， 號筒末次吹響的時候。因號筒要響，死人要復活成為不朽壞的，我們也要改變。”這一節經文道出了藉着主耶穌寶血得以復活的盼望。 另外一節應許的經文在約翰福音14:2-3“在我父的家裡有許多住處；若是沒有，我就早已告訴你們了。我去原是為你們 預備地方。我若去為你們預備了地方，就必再來接你們到我那裡去，我在那裡，叫你們也在那裡。” 克麗斯婷未能看見我們為她預備的家，然而她現在卻居住在上帝為所有基督徒預備的美好的地方。我們知道我們將要在天堂見到我們的寶貝。

第三個應許在羅馬書8:28“我們曉得萬事都互相效力，叫愛神的人得益處，就是按祂旨意被召的人。”這段經文讓我們確定一切都是按神的計劃而行。我們的寶貝短暫的生命用以延展福音，改變人們的心靈和榮耀上帝。詩篇139:14,16說：“我要稱謝祢，因我受造，奇妙可畏；祢的作為奇妙， 這是我心深知道的。……我未成形的體質，祢的眼早已看見了 ； 祢所定的日子，我尚未 度一日， 祢都寫在祢的冊上了。”我們不能夠干涉神的傑作和計劃，因為這是錯誤的。

我們寶貝的生命並不是徒勞的。讓我們珍惜每一個上帝賜予的生命，無論他們是出生或未出生，在祂眼裡都是寶貴的。（完）

附：

1. Volume 7, number 5, 1984, published by Last Days Ministries, founded by Keith and Melody Green.

2.所有英文的聖經經節摘自New American Standard Bible,翻譯出自中文和合本。

Postscript: I wrote this article, originally titled “A Life Story,” back in 1997, and it was published in Chinese Christian Mandarin Church’s 25th church anniversary remembrance book. This was the church where I grew up and was baptized in. This article was also published in Dec 2008 issue of “The Tree of Life” church magazine by Gaithersburg Chinese Alliance Church. In 2008, 15 years after Christine’s passing away, I rejoiced at how God used her life to comfort many other families nearly every year since then. In 2013, I heard from a pastor’s wife in another church how she had used our story to comfort a family after the tragic loss of their young child.

後記：早在1997年，我以“一個生命的故事”為題寫了這篇文章，並且將它刊登在中國基督教國語教會25週年紀念特刊。我在這個教會長大和受洗。本文還登在蓋城華人宣道會2008年12月發行的“生命樹”教會雜誌。2008年在克麗斯婷逝世15年後，我很高興，幾乎每年神仍藉由她的生命使許多家庭得安慰。在2013年，我從另一個教會的師母聽到，她如何用我們的故事安慰痛失年輕小孩的一家人。